


In The Shadows

by StormyBear30



Series: In The Shadows [1]
Category: 30 Seconds to Mars, Actor RPF, Music RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-17
Updated: 2011-03-17
Packaged: 2017-10-17 01:30:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brent’s tired of living in the shadows</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Shadows

His heart broke for the millionth time in all the years that they had been together as he watched that man that he loved and claimed to love him back, swap spit with someone that he loathed and detested. He tried to pretend that it didn’t bother him, tried to will his broken heart to ignore what was playing out before him, but as he caught a glimpse of tongue and heard a moan of pleasure coming from one of them, he found he couldn’t ignore it any longer. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath and turned for the door, knowing that once he walked through it that there was no going back. Looking over his shoulder he hoped to catch the eye of the person that he loved, they too busy continuing to grope and kiss another to notice him or anyone else and so he left.

Jared didn’t know why he was kissing the rich floozy sitting on his lap, but it didn’t stop him as he increased the intensity of it, running his hands though her blonde hair, knowing that what he was doing was wrong and yet he couldn’t stop himself. He could hear the giggles of her girlfriends, the clicking of cameras and the urgings on of his male counter parts and a small part of it sickened him because of it. He knew she was drunk, he could taste the liquor on her tongue as it circled his own, knew that she was only looking for another shot in the spotlight as the cameras continued to click around them and yet he still didn’t stop. **Brent** his mind screamed, reminding him that he should be kissing another, but he ignored that as well, knowing that the man was waiting off to the side like he always did.

“Oh Jared…” He heard the floozy sigh once he broke the kiss, nibbling on his neck, her hands trying to work their way under his shirt as he scanned the floor for the dark eyes he knew were watching him. He panicked for a second when he didn’t find them, talking himself into the fact that he was probably in the restroom, or getting drinks for the two of them, but when seconds turned into minutes and he still could not find him, that panic became real and overtook him like a splash of cold water on heated skin.

“Brent…” He called out, pushing the drunken girl off of him as he began to search the crowded club frantically. “Have you seen Brent?” He yelled to a friend of theirs, his eyes still searching for the elusive man.

“He left about thirty minutes ago” His friend called out, going back to chatting up the woman sitting in front of him.

“Fuck…” Jared cried out, pushing the rich and still very drunk floozy away from him when she tried to pull him back to the couch they had been sitting on. Rushing outside, he scanned the streets in hopes of finding the man he knew he had hurt with his stupid and childish games. Nowhere to be seen, he dug out his always present blackberry from his coat pocket and hit speed dial. “Come on Brent…pick up” He spoke into the mouth piece, his heated breath turning into tiny white ice crystals as the phone continued to ring within his ear. “Brent…baby…it isn’t what you think it was” He cried out into the phone when he head his lovers voicemail pick up. “Ok…it is what it looks like but please baby you have to believe me that it didn’t mean anything. Call me back. I’m heading back to the hotel now and I hope to see you there. I love you” He made haste for the hotel, running like a mad man, ignoring the people cursing him a blue streak as he ran into them because nothing mattered but finding the man that he loved. “Fuck…” He screamed as he rushed into the room and found it empty, just as he knew he would. He knew that Brent was gone for good this time, despite the fact that he had left all of his belongings in the room that they had been sharing.

Brent was a rich man, a very rich man and he could get anything that he wanted or needed on a whim but as he flew on his private jet back towards Los Angeles, he found it painfully funny that the one thing that he wanted more then anything in the world he couldn’t buy. He ignored his phone as it rang for the hundredth time in the previous hour, thanking the pilot and staff as he exited the plane and entered the private car waiting for him. He thoughts turned to Jared as they always did whenever they were apart, wondering if he was hurting as much as he was. He didn’t bother checking the ten voicemails blinking at him as the phone rang yet again as he sat alone in his living room, only two hours after leaving Utah, because he knew that they were from Jared and that if he did it was only a matter of time before he talked his way into his good graces once again.

He didn’t say anything when an hour after that an extremely irritated Shannon showed up at his door, ushering him into the living area of his home, sitting down as he waited for the man to speak. “It didn’t mean anything” Shannon finally broke the silence as he stood before him.

“It meant something to me” Brent replied softly, leaning forward, his hands hanging between his legs in defeat.

“You know how he is man. You can’t let shit like this get to you. It’s Jared…it’s how things have always been between the two of you” Shannon defended his brother, although he didn’t know why because he had hated the fucked up way that Jared treated Brent from the very beginning of their fucked up relationship.

“It’s been ten years Shannon” Brent spoke as he finally looked up at someone he considered a friend, someone he considered family. “He promised that he was going to come out about us. We went on vacation to South America together to celebrate our anniversary. He said it was our way of breaking it to them gently by letting them see us in public more. He allowed the paparazzi to take our pictures as part of his brilliant plan” Brent sighed again, his heart breaking yet again. “I know that kissing her didn’t mean anything…but it meant everything to me. I proved to me that no matter how much I love your brother and wait patiently by his side…that he will never love me enough to stop keeping me a secret” Tears glistened within his eyes, but when it came to Jared it was nothing new as he continued to stare down his ex’s brother, not even trying to hide them. “It’s over Shannon. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be his secret any longer”

“I know…” Shannon replied sadly, his heart breaking for his friend, his mind cursing out his brother for allowing the best thing in his life to slip away.

They sat in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts, pretending that they didn’t hear the ringing of Shannon’s cell phone as he hung off of his hip. “You know I could never figure out what he saw in me” Brent broke the semi silence once the phone stopped ringing. “It’s been ten years and I still don’t know what he see’s…or saw in me” The last few words came out sounding painful and harsh as he wiped at his eyes.

“You were the only one that ever just loved him for who he was and not for the pretty boy actor that everyone else did. You were always real with him…never let him get to full of himself and that fucking ego of his. He chose you because you loved everything about him and never once did you try and change him into something that you knew he couldn’t be” Shannon declared, still clinging to the hope that maybe the two could work through their problems because the truth of the matter was that he wasn’t sure what was going to happen to Jared if he didn’t have Brent by his side. Brent was his brother’s safe place, the only one that he could go to when life became too much for him and without him in his life any longer he found that he feared the worst.

Maybe that’s the problem then” Brent sighed, sitting forward in his chair. “I never tried to change him…but maybe I should have. I just loved his fire and fever for life. I loved that he took no shit from anyone…including me and yet had a soft side to him that made me love him even more because he only shared it with me. I don’t know…maybe I should have tried to change him. Maybe I should have forced him to come out about us sooner or...” He knew he as just talking for the sake of talking because he knew that he would have never asked Jared to do any of those things. “I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t sit on the sidelines and watch the years go by with nothing to show for it”

“You have Jared…Brent. He loves you”

“I have nothing Shannon. No commitment…nothing. I am thirty eight years old and I have nothing” He repeated, running his fingers through his hair. “I figured by now that Jared and I would have a home…a life…even a family and yet I have none of those things”

“You wanted all of that from Jared?” Shannon asked, surprised.

“I wanted all of that from Jared” He smiled sadly. “He promised me everything too and yet as the years passed, I watched those promises fall into the toilet one by one. I’m still fairly young and its time that I find someone that can give me what I want…what I need” He spoke loudly, trying to make Shannon and even himself believe that he could ever find love with anyone other then Jared Leto.

“Brent…” Shannon said his name softly, not really knowing what to say next.

“You better go Shannon. It’s getting late”

“What do you want me to tell him?”

“Nothing…” Brent smiled sadly as he walked Shannon to the front door. “I just can’t talk to him tonight because I know he will talk me out of breaking it off with him…but I’ll talk to him tomorrow…promise. You’re my brother Shannon and no matter what happens I will always love you. I hope that this doesn’t change the way that you feel about me”

“Of course not” Shannon returned the smile, hating the fact that despite his best efforts it seemed that the relationship between his brother and Brent had finally come to an end. A quick hug was shared between the two of them before Shannon left, leaving Brent alone and more lonely then he ever felt in his lifetime.

His phone rang off and on throughout the evening hours, but he never answered it. His voicemail was full; he ignored them as he laid in bed and recalled the roller coaster ride that had been his life with Jared. They had met by chance when Jared had first moved to Hollywood and had become fast friends. Brent had been smitten by the flamboyant and moody man from the moment that he had met him, but he kept those feelings to himself knowing that Jared was bound for greatness and well out of his league. It was he who had introduced Jared to his long time girlfriend an actress starting out in her own right and watched as they fell deeply in love. It wasn’t until several months after their breakup that Brent leaned of Jared’s openness to all sides of the sexes. They had been out partying most of the night as Brent dragged a fully drunken Jared back to his small apartment, trying to put the man to bed, all efforts hindered when Jared had kissed him. He had wanted to fight him and play it off as drunken stupidity, but as the actor continued to kiss him, his tongue slipping into his mouth rather quickly, he found that he couldn’t. They made out for quite some time before Jared snuggled into his chest and fell into a deep sleep. When Jared woke up the next morning, Brent was gone.

He had avoided Jared for days, refusing his calls and proving himself scarce whenever he came to his home. He was beside himself with grief and pain and yet missed his friend dearly. He was sure that his friendship with Jared was over for good when the phone calls stopped and he no longer had to pretend not to be home, only to be proved oh so wrong one day as Jared breezed into his office unannounced, jerked him from his chair, pinning him to the back wall before kissing the hell out of him. A punch to the face happened next. Soon to be followed by more kissing. It was there afterwards as they broke the kiss that Jared reveled his blossoming love for Brent, he too shocked at first to utter a word in return. They became a couple soon after that, Brent happier then he had ever been in his lifetime, until stardom and all that went along with it started to come between them.

“Hey…” He spoke tiredly into his cell phone the next morning after Shannon had left, exhausted after a long night of tears and insomnia.

“Brent…baby…oh my god…I’m so glad that you called” He heard Jared exclaim across the line, tears once again trickling from his eyes at the desperation he heard coming from the man that he loved. “I’m sorry Brent. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It meant nothing…she meant nothing. You know how this works. Don’t be mad at me. You know I love you B.B.” He continued, using the nick name he often called Brent, not realizing how much each word cut across his heart like a sharp knife.

“Don’t call me that anymore” He spoke softly, settling down in his seat, making himself as comfortable as possible for the oncoming break up.

“It’s what I always call you” Jared spoke quickly, his heart sinking into the pit of his stomach at the way Brent sounded and yet he knew that no matter what his lover had to say he deserved every bit of it. “Just tell me what I have to do to fix it?” He asked, willing to do just about anything to make Brent happy again.

“There is nothing you can do anymore Jared” Brent replied, his voice tight and painful as he took a deep breath in order to continue. “It’s over” The words burned his heart, his stomach threatening to empty.

“What? No…no it’s not fucking over” Jared cried out in shock, totally not expecting those words to come from Brent’s lips. “I’ve fucked up…but this is not over by any means. I love you BB…you love me. We belong together” His words got louder, more frantic as he pulled off to the side of the road, turning the car off for his safety and the safety of others on the highway.

“I believed that at one time…I don’t anymore” Brent bit out, closing his eyes as he drew a deep breath into his lungs, nodding to the woman in front of him indicating it was time to fasten his seatbelt.

“Don’t say that. It’s not over” Jared repeated frantically, pacing back and forth on the side of the road, his free hand running through his hair in utter fear. “I’m on my way back to L.A…just give me another few hours and we can talk about this”

“There isn’t anything to talk about and besides when you get there I’ll already be gone”

“Gone where?”

“It doesn’t matter”

It does fucking matter. Where are you going baby? Don’t run away from me now…I need you”

“I know you do…you always do and the one time that I needed you to be there for me…I find you with your tongue down some fucking girls throat”

“It didn’t mean…”

“Anything…yeah I know it didn’t mean anything to you…but it meant everything to me. You promised Jared…you fucking promised” Throat constricted, Brent pulled the phone away from his ear in order to try and pull himself together, knowing it was a lost cause as the tears already flowing down his face increased dramatically. “I can’t talk to you about this now. I need some time to myself to figure things out. I will be out of the country for the next six weeks. Don’t call me…don’t text me…just leave me be Jared. Please…I am begging you”

“No…fuck that…NO” Jared screamed into the phone in full out panic because he knew he had fucked up for good that time. “Just tell me where you are going and I will be there. I love you for fucks sake…you are my everything…you know that”

“I thought I did…at one time…but now I don’t know anything anymore. I have to go Jared…the plane is about to take off. Take care of yourself” And with those words spoken he disconnected the call, shutting his phone off in order to ignore the onslaught of calls he knew to be coming.

It was nearly two months before Brent made his way back to L.A, his heart still broken and his mind so confused and messed up that he didn’t know what to do with himself. Breaking up with Jared had not only been a living hell, but the man himself had made it worse my calling and texting him nearly non-stop since. He never answered a one, his heart hurting more and more with each one received. He considered changing his phone number often, always coming up with the same conclusion that it would be more of a pain to change the number, but knowing deep within that he hated the idea of severing all ties with the man that he still loved.

The ringing of the phone pulled him from his lonely thoughts of his ex-lover, already knowing who it was without even having to look. He knew that Jared and the boys were out of the country, knew that where they were it was quite early in the morning and as much as he wanted to answer it, he just found that he couldn’t. Placing the phone on the dining room table, he once again ignored it when it started ringing again as he made his way upstairs to sleep in his lonely bed. It was then that his home phone started ringing and as much as he knew he shouldn’t, he answered because part of him was worried about Jared because he knew what he was prone to when he was hurt or upset. “Hello Jared…” He spoke softly into the handset, closing his eyes as he laid upon the bed that they had made love in hundreds upon hundreds of times.

“Oh…you are still alive” A voice replied with a slur, leaving no doubt in Brent’s mind that Jared was drunk. “Was wondering since you never answer any of my phone calls or texts”

“You’re drunk” He spoke the obvious, pulling the phone away from his ear at the shrill laugh he got in reply.

“And I plan to get even more so” Jared laughed again, attempting to take a drink from the empty vodka bottle, tossing it across the room when he found it empty.

“Where’s Shannon…the boys?” Brent asked, sitting up because he couldn’t remember the last time he had seen or heard Jared drunk.

“Shan and Tomo are probably fucking their asses off right now and Tim…well Timmy’s a good boy and he probably having hot phone sex with his girlfriend” Jared laughed again, growing quiet as he closed his eyes and focused on the breathing he heard coming across the line. “I miss you baby” He said, the words laced with sadness.

“I miss you too” Brent replied truthfully, knowing that he shouldn’t but also knowing that there was no way to deny it.

“I love you BB” The singer sighed leaning against the wall behind him as he sat on the floor of his hotel room.

“Don’t say that Jared please” Brent begged, pulling the duvet across his body as if to hide from the pain of Jared’s words.

“Why not…it’s true. I’ve loved you for ten years baby…that can’t just change overnight”

“Yes it can” He lied, biting his lip hard in order to prevent the words that Jared wanted to hear from escaping.

“Tell me you love me Brent because I know you do”

“No…”

“I know you love me”

“I have to go now Jared. Please take care of yourself and please stop drinking”

“Brent no…you love me. Just tell me you love me”

“Goodbye Jared” It nearly killed Brent to hang up the phone, tears wetting his pillow as he cried for what felt like the millionth time over the loss of love between him and the man that he thought he would spend the rest of his life with. The next morning when Brent woke, for the first time since the breakup he felt better about his decision. He began to focus on a life without Jared, despite the fact that his close friends and family constantly reminded him of what he was missing. The phone calls and texts from Jared began to dwindle and as much as it pained him to know that Jared was finally moving on himself, a small part of him felt better for it.

Nearly a month later he got a frantic phone call early one morning from Shannon and as much as he didn’t want to answer it, he knew that he couldn’t just ignore it. “Brent…” He heard the drummer’s frightened voice echo through the phone. “Jared’s in trouble and he needs you” Brent’s heart stopped as Shannon explained to him about Jared’s continual drinking, the scatter of drug use from time to time, enough so that it was starting to disrupt the shows and worry the other band members. “He’s locked himself on the bus and he won’t let any of us on. He’s not answering his phone and I’m afraid that he’s going to do something stupid. You have to help us” Shannon’s words brought full guilt forward as he sat up in his bed and tried not to panic.

“What do you want me to do? What can I do? I don’t even know where the fuck you guys are?” He rushed out.

“Call his phone. Make him to talk to you. This is all your fucking fault. If you hadn’t broken up with him…” Shannon didn’t get to finish his sentence as the phone was taken away from him Tomo’s voice replacing the distraught man.

“Sorry man…Shan’s just upset. It’s just that we were hoping that you could try and call his cell and maybe he’ll talk to you. He’s got high before the show, forgot the words to several songs and then just stopped it altogether before running off. He’s now locked himself on the bus and refuses to come out or talk to anyone. We don’t know if it will work but maybe if he sees your name on the caller id he’ll pick up and you can convince him to let us on”

“I can try but I don’t think that my calling will do any good” Brent replied quickly, hanging up the phone before dialing a number he still knew by heart.

“I need you baby…I’m falling apart” Brent heard Jared’s tearful plea, thankful that he had answered the phone, his heart breaking for the same reason. “I can’t live without you anymore Brent…miserable with out you” His words were slurred and hard to understand, but he knew what Jared was saying without really having to understand. “Please BB…I need you”

“Shannon…the boys…they’re worried about you” He ignored Jared remarks, wiping at his eyes as he tried to ignore the tears trickling down the sides of his face. “Open the door Jared…let them in”

“Promise that you’ll come to me and I will” Jared demanded as he took another swig of the vodka bottle, his drink of choice since Brent broke up with him.

“You know that I can’t do that Jared” He spoke sadly, his heart aching so much that he felt it nearly impossible to breathe.

“Did you even really love me Brent because I am beginning to believe that your love for me was only pretend” Jared belted out, taking another swig from the bottle, knowing that he hurt the man that he loved with his careless words but the alcohol hindering his rationality.

“You have a lot of nerve Jared” Brent replied in shocked anger. “I’ve done nothing but love you unconditionally for the last ten years. How dare you even question my love or my loyalty to you” He was appalled and hurt and as much as he wanted to wring Jared’s neck for his careless words, he knew that deep down Jared was a very insecure man despite his outer appearance.

“I know baby and I’m sorry” Jared wailed, downing the last bit of the mind altering drink. “I just fucking love you so much and I miss you more then I ever thought was possible. Don’t give up on me BB. I can’t live without you in my life” His eyes fluttered, his speech more slurred as he fought the darkness trying to over take him.

“Jared…JJ…wake up” Brent called out frantically fearful that Jared would fall asleep and that something might possible happen to him.

“I love it when you call me that” He heard Jared’s small voice. “Tell me you love me BB” He begged, tears once again flowing at the pain in his heart.

“Go lets the boys in and I’ll tell you” He tried to bargain with the man, closing his eyes and praying to a higher power that Jared decided to forgo his normally stubborn nature and follow his direction.

“Promise that you’ll come to Paris and see me” He heard the singer speak, cursing the heavens for not hindering the streak he at one time loved.

“Fine…now open the fucking door” Brent demanded, irritated beyond belief.

“Say it…” He heard Jared speak, his words muffled as he stumbled down the narrow aisle of the bus. “Please Brent…tell me you love me” He needed to hear it even if the words weren’t one hundred percent true any longer.

“I love you” He didn’t even try to hesitate because he knew he wasn’t fooling either of them. “Now let your brother and the boys in and let me talk to Shannon”

“I don’t know what you said to him…but thank you so fucking much” He heard the relieved voice of Jared’s brother a moment later, Jared’s excited voice heard in the background talking in excited decibels.

“He wants me to come to Paris”

“Do you think that is wise with everything that is going on?” Shannon asked, watching as Tim and Tomo struggled to get his brother settled in his bunk for the night.

“Fuck no…but he’s seems to be on a destructive phase and maybe I can steer him off of it. You know how he gets”

“He only gets like this when you and he are on the outs. Don’t you get it yet Brent? He fucking loves you with his entire being and it kills him to be apart from you”

“He’s a grown fucking man Shannon”

“Yes…he is…but you and the relationship you share, it’s his life and he’s miserable without you in it. I know you feel the same Brent. So you have to ask yourself…is his not coming out right now worth the pain that the two of you are suffering through?”

“I can’t talk about this right now. Send me the hotel information for when you get to Paris and I will let you know from there” He replied bluntly, ready to hang up before thinking better of it. “Take care of him Shannon” With that said he hung up the phone, going in search of his own drink because he knew it was going to a long time before he would be able to go to sleep. The next morning he found an email with the hotel information located inside and a small note from Shannon as well.

**He’s talked of nothing but that fact that you promised to come to Paris since last night. Tonight’s he’s happy and excited about the prospect that the two of you might be getting back together. I’ve booked you a suite under your name. Look Brent, I know that Jared hurt you…but please make sure you know what you want if you come. Shannon***

The problem was that he truly didn’t know what he wanted.

“Come on Jay…it’s getting late and I’m hungry” Shannon whined to his brother, ignoring the sullen look on his face as he stared out the window of the hotel room they shared.

“He said he would come” He replied instead, his heart breaking yet again at the thought that things might truly be over between he and Brent.

“I know…but maybe this is for the best” Shannon knew he was spouting shit, but he didn’t know what else to say.

“You think living with the fact that you fucked up the one good thing in your life is for the best? You think that living the rest of my life alone and with a broken heart is for the best?” Jared shot out, hurt and annoyed beyond believe at how callas his brother was being about his pain. “Go eat by yourself…I’m going for a walk” He ignored Shannon’s rumblings as he opened that door to their suite, walking out into the hallway, his breath catching at what he saw before him. “Oh my god…you came” He cried out, bounding down the hall towards a lone figure.

Brent couldn’t help but smile at the full grown man practically dancing down the hallway, both of them falling to the ground as he was enveloped in a crushing hug. He knew that he should have pushed Jared away, because there was so much to talk about and discuss, but as much as he wanted to push him away, he found himself pulling him closer. Closing his eyes he inhaled the distinct scent that was only Jared, his emotions hitting him like a two ton bomb at just how much he loved and missed that man. When lips that he craved unlike anything else in the world crashed over his, he thought about fighting it once again, but decided that he would rather cut off his left foot then stop it. He felt as if he were coming home as the kiss intensified, only pulling back at the clearing of a throat behind him. “Could you two maybe take this inside” Shannon all but growled, jerking his brother off of Brent, glaring between the two of them before pushing a fussing Jared back into their room. “You better know what the fuck you are doing” He hissed as Brent walked by him, ignoring the look of warning before shutting the door in the drummers face.

“I knew you would come BB” Jared purred, unable to control himself as he pressed Brent’s back to the door with the full strength of his body, not giving him a chance to speak or protest as he once again attacked lips he felt he would never taste again.

Brent fell into the kiss head long, wrapping his arms around Jared so tightly that he worried for a moment that he might hurt the thinner man, but thought better of it when he was hefted across the room, landing on the bed as the wind knocked out of his lungs. “Jared…” He whispered, giving up the fight once again as Jared pressed his body against his, kissing him in a way that had Brent begging for more. Reality came quickly into play as slender hands worked their way under his shirt and sweater, forcing him to push the insistent man away. “We can’t…” He tried to get Jared’s attention, pushing him away once again when his words were completely ignored. “JARED NO…” He spoke louder, shoving him away as he shifted backwards, lying against the headboard. “I can’t…I’m sorry” He avoid Jared’s gaze for as long as he could before finally giving in, his heart nearly dying at the look of heartbreak staring back at him.

“But I thought…” Jared spoke softly, his eyes welling up, his bottom lip quivering. “You said that you loved me”

“I do love you” He sighed in frustration, hating the struggle deep within him that wanted to pull Jared into his arms and take away his pain, the other part wanting to smack the pout off of his face because it was time that he grew up, because truth be told he was more then a little tired of being the adult in their relationship. “I love you Jared…you know that…but things have to changed and we need to talk about them before we even think about trying again” He hated hurting Jared, but he knew it was time that he start focusing on his own happiness as well.

“What do you want me to change? Just tell me and I’ll do anything” Jared was practically begging as he sat away from the man he was dying to hold him, kiss him, love him.

“Can I just hold you for right now?” Brent asked, knowing that he had no right but he was so exhausted from his long fight and the emotional toll that being apart from Jared brought upon him. “I’m so fucking tired JJ. I just want to hold you and sleep for a few hours and then I promise you that we will talk” It was a strange request giving their situation but he had needs as well. “Thank you…” He whispered tiredly against the top of Jared’s hair after he had slid into his arms without question, reality quickly fading away once he had. He woke up several hours later with a smile upon his face at the warm body practically glued at his side. Leaning forward he kissed the crown of Jared’s head, closing his eyes and inhaling his scent as he had hours before hand, his smile disappearing as he opened his eyes and found a pair of hazel ones staring back at him.

Shannon didn’t say a word as he got up off the chair he had been sitting on, walking quietly into the other room in hopes of not waking his brother. He waited to see if Brent would follow him, hoping that he would so he could give him a few choice words on what he had seen. “So you’ve made your decision then?” He didn’t hesitate to ask when Brent walked into the room, ignoring the look of irritation he got from the man.

“I haven’t made any decisions yet” Brent spoke quietly, sliding into a nearby chair as he watched his friend pace back and forth before him.

“Sure couldn’t tell by the snuggle fest going on in there” Shannon accused, halting his pacing momentarily as he looked down at Brent.

“It’s none of you business Shannon” A warning.

“It’s none of my business…are you fucking kidding me? Jared is my brother and therefore anything that pertains to him will always be my business” An even harder warning.

“He’s a grown man who can fight his own battles. He doesn’t need big brother fighting them for him” It had been an age old fight that had been going on since Jared and he starting dating, once that pissed Brent off to no end.

“He is a grown man…but you know as well as I do when it comes to his emotions he’s extremely naive”

“Only because you refuse to let him man up to them”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means Shannon”

“Fuck you…” Shannon growled, knowing that Brent was right but not wanting to admit it. The fact of that matter was that ever since they were kids Shannon had been there to take care of Jared, always filling his emotional needs without a question asked and even as he grew up it was something that never changed. It was habit at the first sign of distress Shannon would run to his younger brother and fix or take care of whatever thing or person was hurting him. “Do you still love my brother?” He decided to take another tactic.

“You know that I do…” Brent replied without hesitation, watching the way that Shannon was struggling with his own set of emotions.

“Then if you do…don’t do this. Fight for him. Show him that you still love him and maybe he will come around eventually”

“I’ve waited for the maybe Shannon…its ten years later and it still hasn’t come” Brent sighed, his own emotions torn and confused because no matter how much he hated being Jared’s little secret, he hated the idea of not having him in his life more. “You seem to think that this is so easy for me…that I can just let him go and move on with my life. It isn’t that easy Shannon because ninety percent of me wants to go into that room and just pretend that the previous months didn’t happen and yet there is this lone ten percent that demands more. Ten years is a long time to be someone’s secret. I’m not asking him to make a grand announcement” He held his hand up when Shannon attempted to speak. “All I want is for him to not deny the fact that he’s in a relationship with another man if it ever comes up. I’m tired of living two separate lives in two separate households”

“I think that you’re being selfish” Shannon replied quite nastily, crossing his arms over his chest. “Jared lives his life in the spotlight. He’s worked hard to get where he is today and you know that if he comes out about the two of you that there is a huge possibility that he could lose everything. What about Tomo…Tim and myself? We live for this band…what happens to us if we lose our fan base and…”

“Your core fans will never leave you no matter what…so don’t pull that shit with me. I’ve thought about everything you’ve said Shannon…over and over again until I can’t even see straight. I worry that it might ruin his life once people find out about me because I would rather face a firing squad then cause JJ any hurt. But both of us are grown men and it’s time to stop worrying about what the media and the masses will think and live our lives. It’s time for us to be happy and in love and not feel so ashamed that we have to lie about it…to hide it. You used to believe that…what’s changed?”

“You weren't there to pick up the pieces after you devastated his heart. You didn’t have to watch him fall apart more and more, days after day when you didn’t return any of his fucking phone calls or texts messages. You weren’t the one that had to clean up the vomit and the tears when he felt the only way for him to get through the day was to drink him self stupid. You….”

“Shannon that’s enough” They both heard a small voice speak from the doorway, two head snapping towards it in shock. “Brent’s right.

“No Jared…this isn’t right because he if wanted your relationship to be so public then why hasn’t he asked you to marry him? Can’t get any more public then a marriage” Shannon knew that he was being mean, knew that he was clutching at straws and was hurting the man he thought of as friend, but his need to protect his brother was always greater then anything else.

“Shannon…” Brent said his name sadly, shaking his head before settling his gaze upon Jared.

“He has…twice” Jared’s whispered reply could barely be heard across the room as he locked eyes with his brother. “I just never told you…or anyone” Tears glistened within his own eyes as he then looked over at Brent. “You remember about five years ago when he and I broke up for about six months?” He was speaking to Shannon, his eyes locked on Brent’s. “He had asked me to marry him then…with a beautiful ring and all and I tuned him down” Tears were blazing down both of their faces as they recalled one of the most painful times in each of their lives. “I wanted to say yes so badly but…”

“Jared please…” Brent begged, not wanting to rehash the past pain.

“You said that he asked you twice” Shannon spoke up, wanting to clobber his brother for keeping such vital information from him and for making him feel like an ass for treating one of his best friend’s the way that he had.

“I asked him while we were in Utah” Brent spoke up, his heart breaking as he recalled the night that he had asked Jared to marry him once again. The way that Jared had accepted with happy exuberance, before making love to each other all night long. Brent didn’t think that he could have been any happier then he had been in that very moment, knowing that nothing could take him off of his love high, that was however until he found Jared with his tongue down that woman’s throat the very next night.

“Jesus Jared…” Shannon couldn’t believe how callous and mean his brother had been to his lover, hating himself even more for his own part of it.

“You think I am proud of myself” Jared sobbed, tears rolling down his face as he continued to stand on the other side of the room. “You think that I enjoy the fact that I broke the only person that I have ever really loved heart? I’m really sorry Brent. I never meant to hurt you…but I got so scared and…”

“I know…and it’s ok” Brent was on his feet, arms wrapped tightly around Jared before he could utter another heartbreaking word.

“It’s not ok” Jared sobbed harder, hands clasped painfully around Brent’s neck. “I hurt you and I never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me BB…because I can’t live without you anymore”

“Jared…” Brent pulled back, a warning to his voice.

“Just tell me what I have to do and I’ll do it…anything” Jared was frantic as he wrapped his arms around Brent again, not caring that he was trying to break away from him. “Please…just tell me”

“Nothing…you don’t have to do anything” He finally gave in, closing his eyes as his heart died a little because he knew that despite the fact that against his better judgment, he couldn’t stand to watch the man that he loved fall apart before him any longer. “It’s all over. I’m sorry that I hurt you JJ. I won’t do it again…I promise. I love you Jared” He meant the words, swallowing hard as his lover looked up at him with eyes floating with nothing but complete relief and total love.

“I love you too” Jared replied happily, kissing Brent in order to prove those words. He didn’t even notice that Shannon had gone as he took Brent’s hand and led the two of them back into his room. Clothing disappeared quickly as the two of them fell to the bed, rediscovering each other after such a long time apart.

Several hours later Brent found sleep still eluding him as he laid on his side, taking in the full beauty of Jared Leto as he slept soundly beside him. He couldn’t believe how happy it made him to have Jared fully in his life once again and yet at the same time he felt a sense of dread and upset because he knew that by the next morning things would be back to the way they once were. He knew that Jared would once again be in the spotlight, live and vibrant, while he sat off to the sidelines pretending that he was only a mere friend. He knew that it was also a matter of time before Jared would have to hook up with some high profile woman in order to keep his straight status going; an idea that caused his stomach to burn and his head to hurt and yet he ignored it because he loved Jared enough to have to deal with it. He hated the idea of living two separate lives once again, when all he wanted was a normal family life, or as normal as a family life with Jared as your partner could be. That thought alone caused him to smile, unaware that Jared was watching him. “What are you smiling at?” Jared asked softly, reaching out and running his fingertips softly across Brent’s stubbled face.

“Just thinking about how happy I am that you and I are back to where we were again” He outright lied, placing his hand atop Jared’s before turning his head and kissing his palm gently.

“We’re not back to where we used to be” Jared replied softly, sitting up, his hand still cupping his lovers cheek. “Things are going to be different this time BB. I love you and I know you weren’t happy for a long time because of me. I’m going to make that up to you”

“You being you is enough for me” Brent smiled, kissing Jared soundly, seeing a truth in Jared’s eyes that earned him a cause for hope and yet he pushed it away because the truth was that he had heard it all before. “I love you so much Jared” Truthful words that sprung from his very soul. “I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you”

“Things are going to be different” Jared murmured, smiling up at Brent before snuggling back into the warmth of his body as he laid his head upon his chest and once again fell asleep.

“Can I get you two gentlemen anything else” The waiter asked as he began to clean up the plates of the two men he had been taking care of for the last hour.

“You want anything else baby?” Jared asked his boyfriend, smiling over at him as he waited for a response.

“Um…no…” Brent sputtered, unsure if he had heard Jared call him baby in front of the young waiter or not. “I’m fine…thanks” He happened a glance at the man, knowing that he wasn’t losing his mind as the kid looked between the two of them with a look of shock upon his face, before running off after leaving the bill upon the table. “What are you doing Jared?” He asked, smacking the singers hand away as he dug his wallet out of his pants pocket. “He’s going to run back to his little friends and tell them what you just said and it will be all over Paris and the internet before we even leave the restaurant.”

“I know…” Jared smiled, leaning over and kissing Brent quickly, grabbing the bill from off of the table before going in search of their wayward waiter.

“You don’t have to do this Jared. I told you things don’t have to change and…” Brent chased after him, pulling his coat on as they entered the lobby.

“I told you last night that things are going to be different” He spoke tenderly, truthfully, as he turned to face the man that he loved, cupping his face with one of his hands. “I’m tired of hiding who you are and what you mean to me as well. I love you Brent and it’s time that the rest of the world get that and if they don’t like it…” He didn’t finish his sentence as he leaned forward and kissed Brent once again. “Come on…we have six hours before sound check and I want to explore some of this city with the man that I love” Brent didn’t say a word as Jared reached out and took his hand, dragging him out into the early morning light.

Brent was near exhaustion after nearly four hours of constant walking and shopping. He had forgotten how much of a whirlwind his lover was, and as Jared continued to hold his hand and drag him onward he found that the whirlwind wasn’t quite ready to diminish. “Wow…that’s beautiful” Jared pointed at a painting hanging in a shop window, leaning back against Brent, who was standing behind him. “Don’t you think that it would look absolutely wonderful in our home” He reached back, taking his hand into his own before wrapping it loosely around his neck.

“We don’t have a home baby” Brent whispered hopefully.

“Not yet…but we will” Jared smiled as he turned within the loose embrace. “I was thinking that once this tour is over that you and I could start looking for our own place”

“We both have perfectly good homes Jared. We could live in one of those” Brent couldn’t believe that he was finally hearing all of the things he had wanted to hear his lover say.

“I know…but I want a place to call our own after we get married…if you still want to get married that is” Jared questioned, biting at his bottom lip as he waited for a response.

“Of course I still want to get married. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for a long time now” Brent smiled brightly, resisting the urge to leaned forward and kiss the man that he loved, laughing out loud when Jared threw his arms around his neck and kissed him instead. “Jared…we have a crowd” He blushed when they each broke away, Brent looking around them and finding several people gawking at them, one even being so brave as to film it on the camera on his phone.

“You want something to film you little fucker…well here you go” Jared beamed as he once again wrapped his arms around Brent’s neck and kissed him good and plenty for all to see. “Now you make sure to post that on as many websites as you can” He called out after the kid, winded, once they broke their kiss.

“Baby…you didn’t have to do that” Brent smiled, tears blurring his vision.

“Yes…yes I did” Jared smiled back, kissing his lover quickly once again. “I love you”

“I love you too”

The End


End file.
